My Sleepy Kitten
In her 18 years I don’t think she has ever fallen asleep on my lap. She’s not that kind of a cat. She enjoys attention but, like her owner, she also likes her own space, her own safe place to snuggle down and sleep.
But tonight she fell asleep nestled deep in a blanket on my lap with her head in my hands, her eyes buried under my palm. At first I was rubbing the side of her face just the way she likes it, but then I became still and she did not move. The show I was watching ended and I was tired and had no desire to watch another so I turned the TV off and we both sat there in silence. It was in this silence, filled only with her slow breathing, that my thoughts became free to wander and the questions started to emerge.
Am I doing the right things? How much longer can we be like this and is it really worth it? Is it fair for me to prolong whatever is left because I’m not ready? And what on Earth would I, or could I do differently?
There are no right answers to these questions which is, in essence, the root of all difficult decisions. Decisions we face in our lives at one point or another, in one way or another, but can never really be prepared for. It is inevitable that things will weigh heavy on our hearts no matter which path we take. And no matter what we chose, in the end we know we will have to find a way to cope with what comes next.
Neither one of us was in our “safe” space but she was exhausted and so was I and so we slept…