2016-09-06 The Rainbow Connection
I’m face down in my bed this morning trying to go back to sleep. My stomach is rolling and my brain is tied up in knots and I’m so tired. Mental and physical exhaustion have me down for the count.. so I called in sick and crawled back into bed. Sleep is what I need.
It is as dark as I can make it in my room and I’m laying flat on my stomach with my head propped sideways against the corner of a pillow folded under itself. I have to try and quiet my mind and let it wander away like a small child toddling from room to room in an unexplored house. Full of wonder, not caring what is around the next corner, marveling at all that is new. It doesn’t matter where my brain goes, as long as it becomes more and more quiet, and distant, and eventually silent with the sweet sensation of sleep.
Maybe it starts in the bedroom, right here where I am and it’s loud with fan noise and the pounding sound of broken hearts and beasts of burden. It’s so hard to break away but I eventually drift down the hallway and down the stairs. I’m thinking about board games and birthday parties and TV shows that have long been forgotten. The TV is in another room, which I can still hear, but there is a distance between us and its becoming more faint. There are people talking but I am not sure if they are somewhere in the house or it is just the TV.
Then somehow I’m outside and in the front yard where it’s bright and warm and I can feel the rays of the sun massaging my skin. I don’t recall walking out the front door. Things have become peaceful and quiet and I’m walking away from the last traces of sound. As I walk, everything is unfamiliar and it feels so, so good.
There is a park up ahead and without hesitation I decide that’s my destination. As I draw near, I can see a park bench. Sitting on the bench is the familiar figure of Kermit the Frog. For the first time in the still of of a long moment, I’m unsure what to do so I just stop and stare. I don’t think he sees me and it appears that he is himself staring off in some other direction. Then he breaks the silence with song. “Someday we’ll find it, the rainbow connection, the lovers, the dreamers, and me”.
His singing is loud. The volume grows and becomes too loud and I cover my ears. The sound is pounding my senses. Why is he singing? Have I been half asleep? Have I heard voices? Why are they calling my name?
I lift my head and the edge of the pillow uncurls below me to catch the first drops of my tears. In another instant I’m sobbing uncontrollably. This is just the saddest song and my heart aches with empathy. I feel so weak and and I know I need to sleep, but apparently the fates have other plans for me today. So I grab some tissues and dry my eyes and reach over to my nightstand to get my laptop so that I can write.